I was sitting with a young client recently when I showed them the Toblerone logo and asked a simple question:

“Can you see the bear?”

Nothing.

They stared at the mountain, confused. Then suddenly their whole face changed.

“WAIT… THERE IT IS.”

Once they saw it, they could not unsee it.

That moment explains something important about how the brain works, and it links directly to anxiety, confidence, and emotional well-being in children and young people.

Our brains do not take in reality exactly as it is. They filter it. They delete parts of it.

This is something I often explore in my work with children aged 8 upwards, teenagers, and young people through Child Therapy Telford, both online and face-to-face.

For many struggling with low confidence and anxiety, the issue is not always what is happening around them. It is what their brain is filtering out.

NLP Explained Simply

In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), the communication model explains that every second we take in millions of pieces of information through our senses.

Sounds, thoughts, emotions, body language, memories, and environment all compete for attention.

If the brain tried to process everything consciously, it would become overwhelmed very quickly.

So it filters information using three key processes:

• Deletion
• Distortion
• Generalisation

Deletion means the brain removes information it decides is not important. This happens constantly.

Right now, you are probably not aware of your clothes on your skin or background noises around you. Your brain is filtering them out so you can focus.

But when it comes to anxiety and low confidence, this filtering system can become unhelpful.

Children and young people can begin deleting positive information without realising it.

The Toblerone Bear: A real-life example of deletion

I’ve eaten Toblerone for as long as I can remember. The original milk chocolate has always been a favourite, and the white chocolate version is still something I enjoy now and again.

Years ago, when Toblerone bars were mainly something you bought in airports, they became a kind of travel treat for me.

Then one day, a friend said something that completely changed how I saw the logo.

“You know about the bear in the Toblerone logo, don’t you?”

I remember thinking:

“Oh, they’ve changed the logo?”

They replied:

“No, it’s always been there.”

I genuinely could not see it.

And once it was pointed out, I could not unsee it.

This is a clear example of NLP deletion. The information was always there, but my brain filtered it out.

Everyday examples of brain deletion

Most people recognise this in daily life.

Searching for your phone while it is in your hand. Looking for keys that are right in front of you. Missing something obvious until someone points it out.

The brain is not failing. It is filtering.

Emotionally, the same process happens.

A child or young person experiencing anxiety or low confidence may filter out:

• Compliments
• Positive feedback
• Achievements
• Signs they are liked
• Evidence that they coped well
• The progress they are making
• Positive social experiences

At the same time, their brain may focus heavily on:

• Mistakes
• Embarrassment
• Rejection
• Criticism
• Fear-based thoughts

One mistake can feel bigger than an entire day of success.

This is not intentional negativity. It is a learned attention pattern.

Why this matters for anxiety and low confidence

When children, teenagers, and young people do not understand how the brain filters information, they often assume something is wrong with them.

They may think:

• “Why do I only see the bad things?”
• “Why can’t I feel confident even when things go well?”
• “Why do I forget the positives?”

In reality, the brain is doing exactly what it is designed to do. It is trying to protect them by scanning for threat or discomfort.

The difficulty comes when it becomes over-focused on danger and under-focused on safety or success.

In my work with Child Therapy Telford, I often help young people recognise these patterns so they can stop personalising them.

When they understand it is a filtering system, not a personal flaw, shame often reduces quickly.

How awareness changes confidence

Once you see the Toblerone bear, you cannot unsee it.

Your brain updates the pattern.

The same happens emotionally.

Young people can begin to notice:

• Times they coped better than expected
• Moments they were included or liked
• Evidence they are improving
• Small wins they previously ignored
• Situations that went better than expected

This is not about ignoring difficulties. It is about seeing a fuller and more balanced version of reality.

And that is where confidence begins to rebuild.

Supporting children, teenagers and young people

I work with children from age 8 upwards, teenagers, and young people, both online and face to face through Child Therapy Telford.

The focus is not on forcing positive thinking. It is about helping them understand how their brain is processing information.

When a young person realises:

“My brain is filtering information, not telling me the truth about who I am,”

something shifts.

They gain space from their thoughts. They start noticing patterns instead of believing every thought as fact.

That shift alone can reduce anxiety and support confidence over time.

If any of this feels familiar, it is worth knowing this is very common in children, teenagers, and young people experiencing anxiety or low confidence.

The important message is this:

Awareness creates choice and choice creates change.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is deletion in NLP?

Deletion is when the brain filters out information it decides is not important so we can focus. It can sometimes cause people to miss positive experiences or focus only on negatives.

Why do children focus on mistakes instead of positives?

The brain naturally scans for threat or error to protect us. In anxiety and low confidence, this can become overactive, causing young people to focus more on mistakes than successes.

Can NLP help with anxiety and confidence?

NLP helps people understand how their thinking patterns and filters work. This awareness can reduce self-blame and support healthier emotional responses.

How does brain filtering affect emotions?

When the brain filters out positives and focuses on negatives, it can increase anxiety, lower confidence, and affect how someone sees themselves and the world.

For more information on how Child Therapy Telford can help and support children and young people, visit Child Therapy Telford. https://childtherapytelford.nlp4kids.org

Book a FREE consultation with Child Therapy Telford.

https://louisa-nlp4kids.youcanbook.me

07966 819194