Behaviour that Challenges!

Managing the complexities of raising children can be a daunting task, particularly when faced with challenging behaviours. For many parents, the most pressing issue is managing the anger, frustration, and impulsiveness often exhibited by boys. These behaviours can manifest as aggression, poor school attendance, and overwhelming feelings of pressure stemming from both home and school environments. According to a report from the Department for Education, approximately 16% of pupils in England reported being bullied in some form, contributing to stress and behavioural issues both at home and in educational settings (Department for Education, 2021).

One significant factor behind these challenging behaviours is the absence of boundaries, structure, and discipline within the home. Children thrive in environments where they understand expectations and consequences. Furthermore, some children may struggle due to a skill gap—missing developmental milestones that would typically foster a flexible mindset, problem-solving abilities, and the capacity to manage frustration. This gap can lead to a cycle of negative self-perception, where children label themselves as “stupid” or “lazy.” Research indicates that negative self-perceptions can significantly impact a child’s academic performance and emotional well-being, creating a cycle that is difficult to break (Davis, 2016).

When children internalise these negative labels, they often live down to these expectations. Much like a dog responding to its name, these labels can solidify a child’s self-image, making it challenging for them to see themselves positively. Addressing this issue requires a proactive approach to help children reshape their self-perception and develop essential emotional skills.

At Child Therapy Telford we are dedicated to helping children change their perceptions of themselves. Our ur focus is on identifying and removing obstacles that hinder children from becoming more flexible, tolerating frustration, and effectively solving problems. Through engaging sessions, we introduce various Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) techniques aimed at enhancing mindset and motivation. While not every session will yield immediate results, the goal is to provide impactful strategies that foster rapport and encourage children to participate in further sessions for their benefit.

The skills acquired during these sessions can have a transformative effect on a child’s performance in school and their ability to forge positive relationships. Improved emotional resilience can lead to a better educational experience and a reduced likelihood of engaging in negative behaviours. According to the Education Endowment Foundation, children with strong social-emotional skills are more likely to achieve better academic outcomes and have improved peer relationships (Education Endowment Foundation, 2020).

It is crucial to recognise that children do not inherently lack the will to behave well; rather, they often lack the skills to do so. This understanding shifts the focus from blame to support, fostering a more compassionate approach to behaviour management. As children develop these missing skills, they learn that they are capable of overcoming challenges, which enhances their grit and resilience. Improved self-esteem and self-worth will naturally follow.

Many children struggle to create opportunities for themselves to receive praise and build self-esteem. By encouraging new positive experiences, we can help improve their overall mental health. This investment in themselves leads to healthier lifestyle choices and a greater awareness of their well-being, which can protect them from potential harm.

As children develop the necessary skills to behave appropriately, they will find that less effort is required to exhibit good behaviour. For children who already demonstrate positive behaviour, such actions come naturally and are often rewarded. Conversely, those who struggle typically receive little recognition for their efforts. Acknowledging the hard work and determination required by these children to manage their behaviour is essential. This recognition not only validates their efforts but also encourages them to persist and build resilience in the face of future difficulties.

Supporting resilience in children facing challenging behaviours is a multifaceted endeavour. By addressing skill gaps, reshaping perceptions, and providing supportive environments, we can empower children to thrive. The journey toward emotional competence is not just about immediate fixes; it’s about equipping children with the tools they need for long-term success in their personal and academic lives. As parents and practitioners, our role is to guide them through this journey, celebrating their progress and encouraging their growth every step of the way.

Department for Education. (2021). Bullying in England: A Statistical Overview. Retrieved from gov.uk.
Davis, R. (2016). The Impact of Self-Perception on Academic Achievement in Children. Journal of Educational Psychology, 108(2), 234-245.
Education Endowment Foundation. (2020). Social and Emotional Learning in Schools: A Review of the Evidence. Retrieved from EEF.org.uk.

For more information on how NLP4Kids can help and support children and young people, visit Child Therapy Telford. https://childtherapytelford.nlp4kids.org

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The original version of this article was written by Gemma Bailey, director of www.NLP4Kids.org. It was republished and rebuilt with additional content by Louisa Gauld-Crichton – Child Therapy Telford. https://childtherapytelford.nlp4kids.org